Talking about money with friends can be uncomfortable, no matter how close you might be. And that’s especially true when the server arrives at your table with the dinner tab. Do you offer to pay? Should you split down the middle? Is it fine to itemize everything and Venmo each other later?
While the answer to those questions might vary from person to person, and friend group to friend group, one anonymous Reddit user took to the social media platform to ask the general public whether he was “the a-hole” in his own dinner dilemma.
After dealing with two friends who he described as leeches for always ordering the most expensive items and expecting the whole group to evenly split the bill, the poster dreamt up a petty plan.
While out to dinner with his usual crew, he decided to skip the meal altogether and only order a cheap beer. Two friends joined in, canceling their dinner orders and settling for drinks instead—much their other friends’ dismay. When the bill came, the “leeches” requested to split everything evenly. The poster reminded his friends that it should be split three ways since three of the six friends did not get dinner. He tossed $10 their way for his drink.
“The next morning, I found my phone full of texts from Greg and Susan [the aforementioned leeches] telling me I was an [a-hole] for not ordering any food and forcing them to pay more than they had accounted for,” he wrote. “I honestly laughed because the steaks alone were more than what they had paid but to each their own right? I also got a lot of messages from Dan saying that I could have just not came instead of pulling that stunt and getting him stuck with an outrageous bill.”
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Here’s the thing, though: Not wanting to pay for your friend’s wagyu entrée doesn’t make you an a-hole—especially if you opted for a burger, or even just a Bud Light. It, kinda, sorta, totally just makes your friend an a-hole for assuming (or, in this case, even peer pressuring) you to pay their portion. Experts agree, too.
“Don’t just assume a bill should be split evenly after a fun dinner out with friends. Maybe you’re with someone who wants the lobster or someone who always orders the expensive champagne, and you’re sticking to an appetizer and water,” Courtney Alev, consumer financial advocate at Credit Karma, tells Delish. “Take the extra few minutes to divide up the bill so everyone is only paying what they owe, rather than subsidizing someone else’s meal.”
Or, if that feels like too much of a hassle, ask for separate checks or use apps like Splitwise, Alev adds.
It All Comes Down To Communication
There’s a way to make the awkward situation less awkward, and it’s simply a matter of communicating. In fact, national etiquette expert and owner of the Protocol School of Texas Diane Gottsman tells Delish that you should “absolutely not” split the check evenly if the tab is completely unbalanced.
“You can pay for your drinks or whatever you have; and let everyone know by saying, ‘I’m just having drinks and an appetizer so I’m getting a separate check,'” she said.
You can even broach the subject of how you’re planning to split the bill before everyone places their order. Ask your pals how they want to pay. If you’re planning to go light on your order, let everyone know in advance you want a separate check. That way you can get the chat out of the way so you can enjoy your meal or drinks or whatever you order, and your friends won’t be frustrated when the bill arrives and they have to pay the brunt of it.
You also don’t need “anyone’s permission” for separate checks, Gottsman says. “This does not make you look cheap. If you are feeling this way, I guarantee you, there are more people who are struggling with this conversation and will be glad you have finally broken the ice. If friends get angry, these are not your tribe.”
Gottsman adds that avoiding the bill split, and just opting for separate ones instead, takes the pressure off.
“You can fully enjoy yourself without stressing over how many people are ordering expensive meals, and wine,” she says. “You are politely advocating for yourself in a respectful tone of voice. You are letting the server know early and your friends know what you are doing in advance so there are no surprises.
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Publish date : 2024-07-30 14:08:00
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